Resolutions Are Like Old Lady Hips. Made To Be Broken...

It's 10:23pm on Wednesday night. The night before the last day of the year. 2009 seems to be ending the same way it started. I'm laying in bed, in my flannel, feety pajamas. I'm in pain. My abs are sore from doing P90X. It's not working. I feel uncomfortably overweight and I'm regretting the obscene amounts of BBQ I inhaled at supper time.

I will probably take a pain killer in a few minutes but not before I'm at least half way through this post; For I know it will be a race against time. This is a race I always lose. I will be unconscious shortly after. Unconscious is a good thing when you can't straighten your body. I have the posture of a giant prawn.

If I had to fight Estelle Getty in a cage match, I would lose miserably. I don't care if she's dead. It doesn't matter. I suck.

At this time last year, I posted: New Years Resolutions Are Stupid. I'm not going to get into it but suffice it to say, I botched just about every one of them. Isn't that what always happens to resolutions? We tend to make them for the wrong reasons, at our most vulnerable of moments. We put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. We never even give ourselves a fighting chance to succeed.

This year I promised myself that I would keep it simple and on the level. I will not place any unnecessary pressure on myself. What's most important this year is to be better, stay healthy and move forward.

I can throw some funny ass bullshit at you like last year, about fictitious resolutions that never get resolved. I could tell you that I resolve to create my own language, like in Avatar or that I'm gonna shave my pubes regularly but that's not being honest with you. I could also tell you how I am committed to vasectomizing myself this year, for the good of the planet and my wife's vagina. Except, I am too much of a pussy to go through with the procedure. I was thinking about resolving myself to learning braille, so that I could offer this blog to those who are living without the gift of sight. But that is just stupid talking. Shut up dickhead. You're too lazy and that's not funny.

Fuck all that shit.

I know what I need to do.

This summer, I got some new ink. It's a personal credo or a mantra of sorts. I put it on my arm so I wouldn't forget how important the words are. They have significance to me. It's really quite simple but I've always had trouble sticking to it.


Have Strength. Speak Truth. Give Love.

I figure that if I can do all three of these things, even just a little bit better this year, I will be a better man. I don't need to make a resolution this year. It will only get broken. What I need, is etched in my skin. A permanent reminder.

All I need to do this year is look in the mirror.

It's not a lot to ask of oneself.

Just be better.

Being Out-Numbered isn't so bad...

Oh and Happy New Year Peeps! I love you all.

While you're here, you might as well go check out my last Mamapop post of the year. Just click on the link below. It's like the cherry on top of your sundae.

Rumors Of Vision Quest Remake Are Giving Me Diarrhea.


  1. Good post as always. I just read the Vision Quest post on Mamapop too. Also good. Keep it up Regis.

  2. Thanks for keepin' it real. My resolution is to not make any, I agree they're stupid and get broken after 3 weeks. Happy New Year Mayo's, love you!

  3. I stopped making resolutions a while ago. I always hated that I never kept them and then I felt horrible about myself for not keeping them. Good luck in the New Year! We all deserve a happy and healthy 2010

  4. Happy New Year! That's a great (BIG) tattoo!!!

  5. happy new year bud, after hangin with you, i think you have 2 out of 3, you speak truth, give love, but you could use some ab strengthening...just something to work on for 2010. Much love to you and the fam

  6. nice tat...i think that is all the resolution you need. happy new year!

  7. I've never been much for resoltions. However, once I went on the Atkins Diet and lost a noticeable amount of weight. Maybe I need to reconsider the resolution thing.

    Speaking of... P90X!? I might drop over dead.

    I read your other post. Vision Quest was not a personal favorite, though Lauden's experience was enviable.

    That pic of Madonna reminds me... the last scene of the Lucky Star video... sliding the sunglasses onto her face... she was young, hip, confident, sexy... a wanna-be superstar, before she had legions of wanna-be girls emulating her. Pre-asshole Madonna was the shit.

    Or, maybe it's just that in that era, Madonna's features reminded me of the girl I fell in love with in 11th grade. For years, everytime I turned on MTV, I was reminded.

  8. Happy Dazed New Year my buddy...and Family!

  9. This year I resolve to get a new tattoo. Thanks for the inspiration.

  10. Happy New Year, Jason. Nice guns.

  11. Happy New Year!
    Nice tattoo. Maybe this year one on the scrotum?

  12. I think you pretty much nailed it. Awesome tat!

  13. Good post from good people. I like where your brain and heart went with this one. It is my prayer that your New Year is filled with love, blessings, and health for you and your beautiful family. Here's to STRENGTH, TRUTH, & LOVE. Hugs, Lisa

  14. Vision Quest. Goodness...I was but a wee lass back then (umm, yeah, I'm 41). I'm thinking of ink this year also. Maybe "Kiss My Ass" on my ass? But then I'm too afraid it will end up on my ankles by the time I die.

  15. Dear Jason,
    Wishing you and your beautiful family a very Happy New Year.
    Love, Mom

  16. Great post and I believe very possible to achieve. You have all the pieces in the right place and with strength, truth and love on your side-you're bound to win!

    Happy New Year!

  17. Happy New Year my fun loving, crazy ,awesome husband!


  18. Several years ago my father made a resolution that he was finally able to keep: drink more champagne.

    He's my hero.

  19. This year I only made non-resolutions --the things I won't do. Figured that'd be easier to make good on. I blog with my 3 grown daughters. (I swear they do grow up. The good news is...they're still funny.) Anyway I blogged about what I won't do this year as it pertains to them and they blogged back about the many ways I'll still fail. You may enjoy it. It's like a time machine peek into your future. Oh, and I loved your new Jewish guns. You will be my husband's new hero. :)


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